July 15, 2004

Four Free Issues? Sign Us Up Star Magazine!

People often ask us, "hey Cinecultist with your cool gig as the Cinecultist, what kind of way cool stuff do you get to score?" Well kids, we've not got the swag coming out our ears but occasionally we do get something interesting in our mail, like yesterday's invitation to enjoy 4 Free Issues of Star magazine. Star magazine? Bonnie Fuller's recently revitalized, newly glossy but still getting trounced by US Weekly celebrity rag? Right away, we wondered which rat bastards had sold our mailing address. Probably not the liberal mailing list we appear to be on, what with our New Yorker subscription which lead to the inundation of requests to donate to Planned Parenthood, public radio and sundry soup kitchens. Could it have been that evil hillbilly Sallie Mae? We don't think so. Does being a subscriber to Lucky, Vogue, TimeOut New York and Jane magazine put us automatically into the demographic interested in the dieting lives of Oprah, Anna Nicole and Carnie Wilson? Seems unlikely. Maybe the invite is care of those bitches at New York magazine, though we do love our Deborah Schoeneman and our Lizzie Spears, there is a strong line in the sand between their delightful carping and pictures of the emaciated Mary-Kate. Perhaps not them either.

Cinecultist was all ready to just toss it out because for most movie star news we have the old online standbys Page Six and E! Online as well as Uncle Grambo and Stereogum for your Brit Brit in cut off shorts and what not. However! We began actually reading their pitch and realized a free four issue mini-subscription to Star magazine was just too good to pass up. First there is the picture of Colin Farrell with the caption "Nude This Summer" next to it. Is this on screen somewhere, perhaps in his new movie or it will it be in CC's apartment perhaps? Intriguing. Then the promise of Exclusive Interviews under a picture of Anglina Jolie that has the headline "Her Casual Sex Romps." And we'll be getting More Inside Scoops! according to one of the florescent pull quote features. Plus there are "wall-to-wall celebrity pictures sprinkled with juicy newsy [ed note. like news, only sorta] captions. The fast-breaking stories that Hollywood will be talking about tomorrow, YOU are reading in Star today. 'No way!' you say to yourself as you read about the iffy doings of one of your favorite celebrities." There's little CC likes more than iffy doings. We're not obligated at all so says the literature, so CC's sending off the reply card. It has to be good for a laugh or two and then we'll cancel at the first bill. We'll keep you posted cinecultists on the findings of our sociological dig into mainstream pop media.

Granted, we are concerned about now who Star will pass our address along to do they publish a Ultimate Evil Weekly nowadays, or is it still just called People?

Posted by karen at July 15, 2004 8:27 AM